Today's Headlines

DC Man Fights the Law, Law Wins
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/29/disorderly-conduct-conver_n_246794.html

Former NJ Couple Discovers Literal Dog in Proverbial Manger
http://www.nj.com/gloucester-county/index.ssf/2009/07/custody_battle_over_pug_remain.html

German Man Finally Cleans Garage
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/30/AR2009073002506.html

Alleged "Whitest Man in the World" to be Immortalized in Urinal
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/bestof/2009/goodsandservices/staffpicks/best-way-to-keep-dead-loved-ones-close

Bonus: More "Cops Gone Wild"
http://www.al.com/news/press-register/metro.ssf?/base/news/124877253351170.xml&coll=3

Today's Headlines

Captain Kirk Wants to Make Love to the Mountain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU2ftCitvyQ

New Perfume by Odeon Illegal in 9 Countries, Contains Real Bits of Panther
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/29/AR2009072903316.html

New Excercise Machine Prepares Women for...Summer
http://consumerist.com/5325625/we-have-no-comment-about-this-exercise-device

Calendar Featuring Tattooed Librarians Surprisingly Un-Hot
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/29/AR2009072902870.html

Today's Headlines

Connecticut Police Unfamiliar With Euphemism "Trouser Snake"
http://www.courant.com/community/hartford/hc-web-snake-crash-0728jul29,0,3889857.story

Charles Darwin Implicated in Dolphin Killing
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32191967/ns/us_news-environment/

Chase Workers Show Justification for Extraordinary Bonuses
http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2009/07/29/Chase_evac.ART_ART_07-29-09_B2_3CEK58O.html

Seven-Year-Old Boy Eludes Police, Jesus
http://www.standard.net/live/news/179343/

Today's Headlines

"Foolishness" Disturbs Relay Involving Large, Greased Fish
http://www.bangordailynews.com/detail/111522.html

Secret Service Said to Be Questioning Reporter After Bizzarre Pretzel Threat
http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2009/07/27/daily17.html

Reincarnated WWII Fighter Pilot Still Can't Draw
http://www.flixxy.com/world-war-ii-fighter-pilot-reincarnation.htm

Blue M&M's May Cure Spinal Cord Injuries
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/28/spinal.injury.blue.dye/index.html

Bonus: Spanish Profanity
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_profanity

Today's Headlines

WNBA Team Plays in Phone Booth, Lives in Closet
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/26/AR2009072602357.html

Escallating Number of Marijuana Arrests in Mendocino County Proves Hippie Adage that You Can't Trust Anyone Over 30, Particularly Hippies
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/26/AR2009072602645.html

Vibrating Razor Promises Something New for Shower Masturbaters: Pain and Blood
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/04/03/vibrating-razor-adds-dangerous-new-element-to-shower-masturbation/

Fox News Discovers Link Between Creationism and Incest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgfyVZEHcLQ&feature=popular

Today's Headlines

Omnipotent God Requires Assistance with Twitter
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/23/AR2009072300586.html?hpid=sec-religion

Man's Soup is Really F'ing Bad
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/hodousek-lawsuit-restaurant-2505680-condom-jumper

Michigan Man Loses License for Parking Violation
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_ODD_DRUNKEN_DRIVER_POLICE_POST?SITE=VASTR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Woman Rams Oscar Meyer Weiner Into Garage
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/07/18/2009-07-18_runaway_oscar_mayer_wienermobile_crashes_into_.html

Bonus: Japanese Commercials
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUTXZAaSkLI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnUulabg6ZY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAVTty2UL9Y
...(Danke, RJO)

Today's Headlines

Minnesota Couple Planning Even More Special "Divorce Dance"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

DC-Based Group Aims to Make Vegans Seem Less Ridiculous
http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20090722/FREE/907229979

Britney Spears Tattoo Not Scary At All
http://mosnews.com/society/2009/07/20/britneybreasts/

Winehouse to Launch Booze and Cigarette Scented Perfume
http://www.theinsider.com/news/2579165_Smells_Like_Amy_Winehouse_Troubled_Singer_May_Launch_Fragrance

Bonus: Passing
http://omg.yahoo.com/news/taco-bell-chihuahua-dies-at-15/25534?nc

Today's Headlines

PETA Expected to Weigh In on Alarming Fashion Trend
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1201068/Lady-GaGas-coat-Kermits--singer-dons-bizarre-Muppet-themed-jacket.html

Too Lazy to Wield Club, San Diegans Seek Legal Intervention
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/21/AR2009072100415.html

Couple Lends Support to Idea that Marriage is a Blessed Sacrament Between a Man and a Woman
http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/nazareth/index.ssf/2009/07/woman_vomits_in_street_hugs_tr.html

New York Fashionistas Surpass Previous Benchmark for Weird
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/16/fashion/16EYEBROW.html?_r=1

Today's Headlines

Attorney Learns to Keep Mouth Shut
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/06/24/Attorney-sued-over-dare/UPI-73161245855747/

Boy's Decision to Eat Pig Testicles "Wasn't Very Smart"
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/053009dnmetpigdare.4891295.html

Father Prompts Question: "What's Up With All of These Idiots Daring People to Do Stuff?"
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/local/story/832193.html

Panty Raid Goes Horribly Awry, Possibly Result of Dare
http://dpa.xtn.net/dynamic/News/Story/157070

Today's Headlines

Ad Shows Man's Affinity for Big Cats
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8haxS5opic

Lobster Game Probably Not on PETA's Christmas List
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZKtgvoCzh0

Giant Throng of Drunks Behave Stupidly
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/2009/07/13/the-running-of-the-bull/

Drinking May Save Your Life
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=37526

Today's Headlines

Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nations_girlfriends_unveil_new

DC's King of Erotic Photo Hunt is Homophobic, Misogynistic
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/04/22/breast-practices-insider-tips-from-dcs-greatest-erotic-photo-hunter/

Bitch Sets Barry Up, Again
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=37514

United Airlines Has Good Taste in Music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo