Today's Headlines

Jesus Says: Ready, Aim, Fire!
http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/us-military-weapons-inscribed-secret-jesus-bible-codes/story?id=9575794

The Bitter Drought of 2010
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/19/AR2010011900877.html

Korean Government Misses Obvious Answer to Low Birth Rate: Catholicism
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8469532.stm

Piper Down, We Have a Piper Down! (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/8463333.stm

Today's Headlines

Your Friends Don't Want to Talk to You Anymore
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1382960.html

In Alabama, Justice Delayed Not Justice Denied
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/12/best_motion_for_continuance_ev.php#more

Trust Me, You Don't Want to Mess With the Women's Basketball Team (Danke SB)
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/womensbasketball/big12/2009-12-16-missouri-players_N.htm

How to Feel Better When They Fire You (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8416431.stm

Today's Headlines

Holiday Gift Idea: Classics Never Go Out Of Style
http://www.break.com/tv-shows/saturday-night-live/dick-in-a-box-uncensored-637685.html

While We're Rehashing SNL Bits: I'm On A Boat
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-im-on-a-boat-uncensored/1105773/

Better Late Than Never: Voicemail Slow Jam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY&feature=player_embedded#

Anyone Know If This Joint Allows Beer Pong?
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914651n&tag=exclsv

Today's Headlines

Reaction to Obama's China Trip is Mixed
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/88813/

Cooking with Snoop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ocre0kXgvg

The Early Poetry of Suzanne Sommers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unD2bzhDkLk

Obama Wants to Make You Drink Cat Piss
http://tinyurl.com/scaryhealthcare

Today's Headlines

Worst Breakfast Cereals
http://www.11points.com/Food-Drink/11_Worst_Pop_Culture_Cereal_Tie-Ins_Ever

Worst Kebab Stand
http://russiatoday.com/Top_News/2009-11-13/tramps-sell-body-kebab.html?fullstory

Worst Breast Exams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk&feature=fvw

Worst Teddy Bear
http://www.inhabitots.com/2009/10/01/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/

Today's Headlines

Walken Goes GaGa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2guQYivZ6w

Maine Protects Children From Lemonade
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jUVss5TFh1cRHO4jrZXkXiCPwfBAD9BKV1N00

Woman Misunderstands Slogan "Save The Ta-Tas"
http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/11/08/11082009waccancerwoman1.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=11

Who Doesn't Appreciate Corduroy?
http://themoment.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/fete-accompli-the-corduroy-appreciation-clubs-grand-meeting/?hpw

Today's Headlines

Crash Reportedly Due To S****** D***
http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2009/10/10/91575_ntnews.html

Man Named Father of the Year
http://failblog.org/2009/10/22/father-fail-3/

"Rape Tunnel" Promises To Engage Art Lovers
http://www.artlurker.com/2009/09/the-rape-tunnel-by-sheila-zareno/

WMITW Announces EAM News Channel
More Taxes, Please, France: 1, Nutjobs 0, Love, Somali Style, New Cause for WMITW, Saving Beyond The Grave

Today's Headlines

Jersey Man Loves Cows
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/09/25/2009-09-25_judge_dismisses_animal_cruelty_charges_against_police_officer_robert_melia_for_s.html

Monday At Bernie's
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/10/13/2009-10-13_texas_man_found_asleep_with_corpse_inside_closet.html

Love and Porcelin
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/11/AR2009101101934.html?hpid=topnews

Important Spider Research
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTA9-Fu4dPc

Today's Headlines

Woman Fends Off Bear With Decorative Pillow
http://www.vaildaily.com/article/20090929/NEWS/909299973/1078&ParentProfile=1062

Nixon Dead, Yet Still At Odds With American Public
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-nixon-mao-protest1-2009oct01,0,6352524.story?track=rss

Fox Bets Viewers Will Come To It's Show Despite Premature Ejaculation During First Episode
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-ca-glee-sex27-2009sep27,0,2014448.story

Topless Lawn Mower Deemed Indecent
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/244/story/979140.html?storylink=omni_popular

Today's Headlines

Article Destined To Increase Sales Of Drug
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/29/AR2009092903491.html?hpid=artslot

Michael Jackson Is Carnivals' Newest Attraction
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-rides30-2009sep30,0,3182406.story

A Cottage With A Stunning View
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/kent/8282368.stm

Song Is Warning And Invitation For Men Everywhere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zHVW7Zy_vg

Today's Headlines

Florida's Naked, Masturbating Motorcyclist Epidemic
http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=113689&catid=58

Ass Bomber Fails Suicide Mission
http://www.stratfor.com/weekly/20090902_aqap_paradigm_shifts_and_lessons_learned

Threats On The President A Giant No-No
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-obama-facebook29-2009sep29,0,6007621.story?track=rss

You Don't Need A Polygraph To See Tony Stewart Likes Whoppers
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-neil29-2009sep29,0,2368391.column

Bonus: Not News
High Heels Are Painful

Today's Headlines

Iranian Jews Want Additional Things To Atone For
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-beliefs28-2009sep28,0,5954540.story?track=rss

Brewer's Answer To Outrage: Fuel More Outrage*
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/north_east/8278312.stm

"Like A Virgin" In Egypt*
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8279276.stm

Chavez is "Looney Tunes"*
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8277129.stm

(*Danke EAM)

Today's Headlines

Charity Formed To "Save The Boobs"
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-neil22-2009sep22,0,4863346.column (Video: Here)

Illinois Court Finds Faith And Bigotry More Important Than Family And Love
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-ap-il-illinois-jewsonly,0,3861158.story

Murdered Quarterback Apparently Not A Welcomed Theme Park Attraction
http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2009/09/23/skeletons-depicting-steve-mcnair-sahel-kazemi-featured-in-king/?icid=webmailwbml-aoldl7link4http%3A%2F%2Fnfl.fanhouse.com%2F2009%2F09%2F23%2Fskeletons-depicting-steve-mcnair-sahel-kazemi-featured-in-king%2F

The Story of A Man With "Douche In His Veins"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fad6eZTDikA

Today's Headlines

Which Do You Care More About, The Environment Or Your Ass?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/23/AR2009092304711.html?hpid=topnews

German Hikers Face Increased Mosquito Threat (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8270397.stm

Inmate Has Impromptu Swine Flu Party
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/dorset/8272799.stm

"Pink's Sparkly Vagina!"
http://www.buzzfeed.com/eliot/pinks-creepy-nude-bodysuit-nsfw-26q

Today's Headlines

Apparent Ploy For Attention Actually A Hoax
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/02/AR2009090201675.html?hpid=features1&hpv=local

Ex-Inmate Injured Braking Into Jail
http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009909010313

Preschool Teachers Sickened By Pot Brownies
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/09/pot-brownies-sicken-preschool-teachers.html

Hitler Got A Lot Of Calls
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8234018.stm

Not News: Dan Snyder Is An Evil Bastard

Today's Headlines

Government Deports Mentally Ill US Native Because He Looks Like A Mexican
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/141/story/917007.html?storylink=omni_popular

Mexico Challenges College Of William & Mary's Record
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/30/AR2009083000283.html

Bangladeshi's Show Lack Of Sophistication Regarding Proper Use Of Toilets
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8230397.stm

Fairfax County Is Not For Lovers Of Wine
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/30/AR2009083002439.html?hpid=artslot

Today's Headlines

Want Attention? Have An Affair
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/27/AR2009082704163.html

Worst First Date Ever
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/28/AR2009082803463.html

West Virginia Refuses Computers, Assuming No One Would Actually Give The State Anything
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/28/AR2009082800730.html

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Loitering (thanks EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/highlands_and_islands/8223956.stm

Today's Headlines

World's Biggest Masochist
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8224746.stm

Woman Sued By Mother-in-Law
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/No-Joke-NJ-Comedian-Sued-Over-Mother-in-Law-Humor-55078007.html

Police Find Body Of Abducted Girl After 18 Years
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/08/sex-offenders-neighborhood-searched-as-woman-kidnapped-18-years-ago-emerges.html

Busted: Hyman
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/Naked-City-Cops-Bust-Nude-Model-at-Met-Photo-Shoot-55138662.html

Bonus: Stuff Whitest People Like
Convenience

Today's Headlines (Bonus Edition)

China Reuses Excuted Prisoners
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8222732.stm

Microsoft Has Race Issues
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8221896.stm

Your iPhone May Kill You
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8223005.stm

If You Don't Close The Blinds, People Can See You http://www.nypost.com/seven/08252009/news/regionalnews/eyeful_tower__186393.htm

Today's Headlines

Man Denied Opportunity To Capitalize On Elderly's Love Flea Markets
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/244/story/909164.html?storylink=omni_popular

Government Eases Effects Of Recession For Prison Inmates
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1193423&srvc=home&position=emailed

New Fast Food Sandwich Not Your Typical "Heart Attack On A Bun"
http://www.ajc.com/business/new-kfc-double-down-123988.html

Spaniards Enjoy Playing With Their Food
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/travel/2009/08/26/2009-08-26_spains_la_tomatina_festival_is_the_worlds_biggest_and_best_food_fight.html