Today's Headlines

Government Deports Mentally Ill US Native Because He Looks Like A Mexican
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/141/story/917007.html?storylink=omni_popular

Mexico Challenges College Of William & Mary's Record
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/30/AR2009083000283.html

Bangladeshi's Show Lack Of Sophistication Regarding Proper Use Of Toilets
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8230397.stm

Fairfax County Is Not For Lovers Of Wine
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/30/AR2009083002439.html?hpid=artslot

Today's Headlines

Want Attention? Have An Affair
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/27/AR2009082704163.html

Worst First Date Ever
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/28/AR2009082803463.html

West Virginia Refuses Computers, Assuming No One Would Actually Give The State Anything
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/28/AR2009082800730.html

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Loitering (thanks EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/highlands_and_islands/8223956.stm

Today's Headlines

World's Biggest Masochist
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8224746.stm

Woman Sued By Mother-in-Law
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/No-Joke-NJ-Comedian-Sued-Over-Mother-in-Law-Humor-55078007.html

Police Find Body Of Abducted Girl After 18 Years
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/08/sex-offenders-neighborhood-searched-as-woman-kidnapped-18-years-ago-emerges.html

Busted: Hyman
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/Naked-City-Cops-Bust-Nude-Model-at-Met-Photo-Shoot-55138662.html

Bonus: Stuff Whitest People Like
Convenience

Today's Headlines (Bonus Edition)

China Reuses Excuted Prisoners
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8222732.stm

Microsoft Has Race Issues
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8221896.stm

Your iPhone May Kill You
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8223005.stm

If You Don't Close The Blinds, People Can See You http://www.nypost.com/seven/08252009/news/regionalnews/eyeful_tower__186393.htm

Today's Headlines

Man Denied Opportunity To Capitalize On Elderly's Love Flea Markets
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/244/story/909164.html?storylink=omni_popular

Government Eases Effects Of Recession For Prison Inmates
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1193423&srvc=home&position=emailed

New Fast Food Sandwich Not Your Typical "Heart Attack On A Bun"
http://www.ajc.com/business/new-kfc-double-down-123988.html

Spaniards Enjoy Playing With Their Food
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/travel/2009/08/26/2009-08-26_spains_la_tomatina_festival_is_the_worlds_biggest_and_best_food_fight.html

Today's Headlines (Bonus Edition)

Minnesota Woman Has Junk In Her Trunk
http://www.winonadailynews.com/news/local/article_c821a008-911f-11de-a46b-001cc4c03286.html

One More Reason Why Women "Hover"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/24/AR2009082402167.html

Kids Can Be Such A Drag
http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/crime/deputies-man-left-kids-in-car-at-strip-club/1030429

VA Accidentally Tells 1800 People They'll Die From A Terrible Disease
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32556191/ns/health-health_care/

Bonus: Not News
Cutting Off The Tip Of Your Penis Is Not A Good Alternative To Condoms

Today's Headlines

Chinese Flock To Swedes' Extra Long Weiners And Comfy Beds
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-china-ikea25-2009aug25,0,7736661.story

In London, Big Brother Is Watching -- Just Not Very Hard
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/8219022.stm

Cops in Bangladesh Learn That "Smell Is Important"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8220725.stm

My State Is Better Than Your State
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-golden24-2009aug24,0,1640578.story

Bonus: Gifts For the Whitest Man In Your Life
A Solution For All Your Stinky Parts

Today's Headlines

Stupid Tourist In France NOT American
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8218069.stm

President Fears Wave Of Incontinence In Washington
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/44/2009/08/21/getting_all_wee-weed_up.html

Police Reportedly Shocked That Burglar In Speedo Was Drunk, High
http://www.wfsb.com/news/20510530/detail.html

Your Friends Are Annoying
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/20/annoying.facebook.updaters/index.html

Bonus: Pet Tips
Never Feed Your Dog People Food: One, Two

Today's Headlines

More Reasons Why Nude Photos Are A Bad Idea
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/florida/orl-bad-marriage-porn-pictures-082009,0,1886978.story

Celebration At Gay Bar Defies Every Stereotype
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/broward/wilton-manors/sfl-dognapped-chihuahua-b082009,0,742869.story

Gun Toting Texans Get "Stupid Real Quick"
http://www.mywesttexas.com/articles/2009/08/19/news/top_stories/doc4a8c661152419245462590.txt

New Study Provides Additional Body Part For Women To Feel Inadequate About
http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-hew-ordistance11feb11,0,2763149.story

Bonus: Funny or Not?
Malaysia to Show Woman The Evils Of Drinking -- And Muslims
Story About Harvesting Palestinian Organs Is Not Kosher
UK Dismayed By Obvious Result Of It's Decision To Free Terrorist

Today's Headlines

Althletes Think She's A He
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tomfordyce/2009/08/semenya_left_stranded_by_storm.html

A Candle-Lit Dinner Really Means He Hates You And Wants You To Die
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8211543.stm

New Yorkers Afraid Of The Penis
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08202009/news/regionalnews/striphanger_185422.htm

Girlfriend Only Acts This Way Because She Loves Him
http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2009/08/11

Bonus: Just 'Cause
Celebrities On Invisible Bicycles

Today's Headlines (Bonus Edition)

CA Man Could Have Attended Law School Three Times
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/19/AR2009081900161.html

Shop Owner's Weird Quote Suddenly Appropriate
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08152009/news/regionalnews/id_shoot_again_if_i_had_to_184655.htm

NYC Cracks Down On Lemons
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08162009/news/regionalnews/sweet_lemonade_kid_lapped_184770.htm

Running A Restaurant Is Much Easier On Facebook
http://www.latimes.com/features/food/la-fo-restcity19-2009aug19,0,7774752.story

Today's Headlines

Granola Set Shocked That Whole Foods Is Just Like Any Other Giant Corporation
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/18/AR2009081803613.html?hpid=moreheadlines

Researchers Harvest Rare Ink To Doodle
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/wiltshire/8208838.stm

Mayor Gets Beaten and Starts Repeating
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/08/milwaukee-mayor-to-talk-about-beating.html

Employees Have Weird Complaints
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/chi-complaints-pg,0,7401113.photogallery

Bonus: Not News
Drinking Can Make You Feel Bad The Next Day

Today's Headlines

MD Lawmaker Has Awesome Proposal Idea
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/18/AR2009081802713.html

Trannies Need Chanel Too
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/17/AR2009081701830.html?hpid=moreheadlines

Canadian Scientists No Cooler Than US Scientists
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8206280.stm

The Deadliest Place On Earth
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/orl-bk-disney-death-081709,0,5669328.story

Bonus: Gift Ideas For The Whitest Man In Your Life
New Product For Those Who Can't Handle Common Towel

Today's Headlines

Belgian Girl Rethinks 50 Facial Tattoos
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8104645.stm

NZ Man Undone By Love Of Pink Floyd
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8204938.stm

How To Destroy Your Father's Career
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/07/AR2009080702150.html

Ham Sandwich May Kill Your Kids
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Children-Should-Not-Eat-Ham-Sandwiches-Over-Cancer-Fears-World-Cancer-Research-Fund-Warns/Article/200908315363247?f=rss

Bonus: Not News
Twitter Basically Useless

Today's Headlines

Jesus Wins Second Prize in Lottery
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/13/AR2009081303001.html?hpid=sec-religion

Study Warns Against Reading This Blog At Work
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2009/08/13/2009-08-13_stop_the_multitasking_madness_attempting_to_do_it_all_can_cause_neurological_dam.html

Hefner Planning To Stalk Marilyn Monroe For Eternity; Now, You Can Too
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-marilyn14-2009aug14,0,2135061.story

Your Flipflops May Kill You
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2009/08/11/2009-08-11_flipflops_are_a_magnet_for_dangerous_deadly_bac.html

Bonus: Not News
Pamela Anderson Feels At Home In A Trailer Park

Today's Headlines (Bonus Edition)

NY Police Think Masturbating On the Subway Is No Big Deal
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08132009/news/regionalnews/lazy_cops_a_jerk_184359.htm

Man Claims Another Giant, Naked Man Responsible For Doorbell Flashing
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/12/AR2009081203399.html

Utah Newspaper Publisher Unaware That Constitution Forces State To Recognize Gay Marriages Performed Elsewhere
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/13/AR2009081301798.html

German Candidate Has More To Offer
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2009/08/11/when_more_is_more

Bonus: Repeat Offenders
Massachussetts, Nebraska

Today's Headlines

Whitest Man in the World Eyes New Career in Rhode Island http://www.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2009/08/13/in_rhode_island_battle_over_legal_prostitution_rages_on/

Congress Doesn't Care that You're Going to Die in a Cloud of Cosmic Dust
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/12/AR2009081201545.html?hpid=sec-tech

Feds Find Solution to Immigration Issue: Death
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-water-immigrants13-2009aug13,0,4654306.story

Pot May Prevent Osteoperosis; If Not, Grandma Won't Care
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8199007.stm

Bonus: Why Nude Photos Are An Excellent Idea
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-exboyfriend-lawsuitaug13,0,2717308.story

Today's Headlines

Man Arrested for Possession of Illegal Fireworks and Other Stuff
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/11/AR2009081103141.html

MD Judge Cracks Down on Parking Violator
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/11/AR2009081103260.html?hpid=topnews

French Defense of Women Includes Persecution of Muslims
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8197917.stm

WY Parade Features Elderly Man with Antique Tractor
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/11/AR2009081103129.html

Bonus: When Animals Attack
Otters, Foxes, Snakes

Today's Headlines

PETA's "Unhappy Meals" Strangely Unappreciated
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,538821,00.html

Something's About to Hit the Fan in Cuba
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/cashstrapped-cuba-says-toilet-paper-running-short-1770492.html

Porn Stars Have it Hard
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-porn10-2009aug10,0,4788614.story

Judge Gives Yawning Man Free Cot
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-jailed-for-yawning-10-aug10,0,3679452.story

Today's Headlines

UK Man Lures Aliens with Giant Penis
http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

Drain Clogged by "Smelly the Elephant"
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2579715/Baby-elephant-trapped-in-manhole-of-drainage-ditch-in-Thailand.html?OTC-RSSATTR=News

Texas Inmate Packing Heat and Pounds
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/08/AR2009080800234.html

Florida Inmates Just Packing Heat
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/09/AR2009080901397.html

Today's Headlines

Man Framed by Child Porn Loving Cat
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/07/AR2009080702065.html

Hip Hop's Homophobia Promotes Gay Issues
http://www.slate.com/id/2224348?nav=wp

Baby Banned from Burger King, Life Expectancy Increases
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/06/AR2009080602882.html

Promised Divorce Dance is Even More Special
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbr2ao86ww0

Bonus: Rest in Peace 1980's
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/06/AR2009080602785.html

Today's Headlines

Dog Hijacks El Al Flight
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/08/05/Woman-flies-business-class-with-pooch/UPI-42211249488516/

Dog Rumored To Be Love Child of Egyptian Leader (thanks EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8186039.stm

Dog Lard Seen As A Panacea in Poland
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8188466.stm

Dog Hood Ornament Threatens UK
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/dorset/8188437.stm

Today's Headlines

"Superbad" Deputy Arrested for DWI
http://www.kens5.com/news/stories/KENS20090803-CONSTABLEARRESTED.a5e456f0.html

Whisky Prevents Swine Flu
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE57248Q20090803

NYC Offers Free Trips for Anyone Wanting to be Homeless Somewhere Else
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/29/nyregion/29oneway.html

Man Arrested After Reunion With Deceased Father
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/08/04/Watercooler-Stories/UPI-21591249381800/

Today's Headlines

Wisconsin Women Show Us Why It's Called "Crazy" Glue
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/04/AR2009080400386.html

UK Woman Fined for Excessive Crying at Son's Funeral
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,536594,00.html

Italian Mugger Messes with the Wrong Busload of Korean Ladies
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/08/03/Tourist-foils-mugger-with-taekwondo/UPI-43821249328691/

Fearing Bad Publicity, Goldman CEO's Asks Workers to Conceal Their Giant, Undeserved Bonuses
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08042009/news/regionalnews/goldman_princes_told__spend_like_paupers_182904.htm

Today's Headlines

Fairfax County Hates Wildlife
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/02/AR2009080201962.html

Strip Club Owner Caught Serving "Five Dollar Foot Longs"
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08032009/news/regionalnews/boobs__bologna_outrage_182769.htm

NYC Woman Sues College Because She's Still Stupid
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/02/AR2009080201984.html

Bank Fires Teller, Says He's Not a Big Enough Pussy
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009579648_teller01m.html