Jesus Says: Ready, Aim, Fire!
http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/us-military-weapons-inscribed-secret-jesus-bible-codes/story?id=9575794
The Bitter Drought of 2010
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/19/AR2010011900877.html
Korean Government Misses Obvious Answer to Low Birth Rate: Catholicism
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8469532.stm
Piper Down, We Have a Piper Down! (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/8463333.stm
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Today's Headlines
Your Friends Don't Want to Talk to You Anymore
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1382960.html
In Alabama, Justice Delayed Not Justice Denied
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/12/best_motion_for_continuance_ev.php#more
Trust Me, You Don't Want to Mess With the Women's Basketball Team (Danke SB)
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/womensbasketball/big12/2009-12-16-missouri-players_N.htm
How to Feel Better When They Fire You (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8416431.stm
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1382960.html
In Alabama, Justice Delayed Not Justice Denied
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/12/best_motion_for_continuance_ev.php#more
Trust Me, You Don't Want to Mess With the Women's Basketball Team (Danke SB)
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/womensbasketball/big12/2009-12-16-missouri-players_N.htm
How to Feel Better When They Fire You (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8416431.stm
Monday, December 7, 2009
Today's Headlines
Holiday Gift Idea: Classics Never Go Out Of Style
http://www.break.com/tv-shows/saturday-night-live/dick-in-a-box-uncensored-637685.html
While We're Rehashing SNL Bits: I'm On A Boat
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-im-on-a-boat-uncensored/1105773/
Better Late Than Never: Voicemail Slow Jam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY&feature=player_embedded#
Anyone Know If This Joint Allows Beer Pong?
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914651n&tag=exclsv
http://www.break.com/tv-shows/saturday-night-live/dick-in-a-box-uncensored-637685.html
While We're Rehashing SNL Bits: I'm On A Boat
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-im-on-a-boat-uncensored/1105773/
Better Late Than Never: Voicemail Slow Jam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY&feature=player_embedded#
Anyone Know If This Joint Allows Beer Pong?
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914651n&tag=exclsv
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation
In honor of Tiger Woods' current domestic perdicament, I will add my first ever substantive post: Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation. I have been formulating these for twenty years, and sharing them almost as long. But they bear repeating:
1. Deny Everything. By this I don't mean deny specific accuasations. I literally mean deny EVERYTHING. Denying specific accusations would be lying. There is a rule for that (see number 3). I mean, say things like "I don't know what you're talking about" and "that's crazy."
2. Create a Diversion. By this I mean focus trouble away from you. Find something the accuser would be far more pissed about. Talking about the diversion might completely shield you from blame for the original sin.
3. Lie, or, if the lie would be worse than the truth, Confess Everything and Ask Forgiveness. This is the hard step, because it calls on you to understand the true repercussions of the lie versus the truth. Most people get this wrong, because it is easier just to lie. Do not get this wrong, you could end up in jail or disbarred. (See Bill Clinton.) If you can't assess the repercussions of the lie, call an attorney. If the lie is minor, but you're stupid, call a friend.
4. Run Like Hell. If the lie or truth don't work, you need to get the hell out of dodge. This is why lawsuits settle and why marriages break up. And, if you know this rule, it's why you never get your ass beat.
Note: None of these rules apply if you are speaking with law enforcement officials. In that case, there is only one rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL AN ATTORNEY. This rule applies even if you are innocent. Seriously. Just stop talking.
1. Deny Everything. By this I don't mean deny specific accuasations. I literally mean deny EVERYTHING. Denying specific accusations would be lying. There is a rule for that (see number 3). I mean, say things like "I don't know what you're talking about" and "that's crazy."
2. Create a Diversion. By this I mean focus trouble away from you. Find something the accuser would be far more pissed about. Talking about the diversion might completely shield you from blame for the original sin.
3. Lie, or, if the lie would be worse than the truth, Confess Everything and Ask Forgiveness. This is the hard step, because it calls on you to understand the true repercussions of the lie versus the truth. Most people get this wrong, because it is easier just to lie. Do not get this wrong, you could end up in jail or disbarred. (See Bill Clinton.) If you can't assess the repercussions of the lie, call an attorney. If the lie is minor, but you're stupid, call a friend.
4. Run Like Hell. If the lie or truth don't work, you need to get the hell out of dodge. This is why lawsuits settle and why marriages break up. And, if you know this rule, it's why you never get your ass beat.
Note: None of these rules apply if you are speaking with law enforcement officials. In that case, there is only one rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL AN ATTORNEY. This rule applies even if you are innocent. Seriously. Just stop talking.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Today's Headlines
Reaction to Obama's China Trip is Mixed
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/88813/
Cooking with Snoop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ocre0kXgvg
The Early Poetry of Suzanne Sommers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unD2bzhDkLk
Obama Wants to Make You Drink Cat Piss
http://tinyurl.com/scaryhealthcare
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/88813/
Cooking with Snoop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ocre0kXgvg
The Early Poetry of Suzanne Sommers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unD2bzhDkLk
Obama Wants to Make You Drink Cat Piss
http://tinyurl.com/scaryhealthcare
Monday, November 16, 2009
Today's Headlines
Worst Breakfast Cereals
http://www.11points.com/Food-Drink/11_Worst_Pop_Culture_Cereal_Tie-Ins_Ever
Worst Kebab Stand
http://russiatoday.com/Top_News/2009-11-13/tramps-sell-body-kebab.html?fullstory
Worst Breast Exams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk&feature=fvw
Worst Teddy Bear
http://www.inhabitots.com/2009/10/01/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/
http://www.11points.com/Food-Drink/11_Worst_Pop_Culture_Cereal_Tie-Ins_Ever
Worst Kebab Stand
http://russiatoday.com/Top_News/2009-11-13/tramps-sell-body-kebab.html?fullstory
Worst Breast Exams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk&feature=fvw
Worst Teddy Bear
http://www.inhabitots.com/2009/10/01/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Today's Headlines
Walken Goes GaGa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2guQYivZ6w
Maine Protects Children From Lemonade
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jUVss5TFh1cRHO4jrZXkXiCPwfBAD9BKV1N00
Woman Misunderstands Slogan "Save The Ta-Tas"
http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/11/08/11082009waccancerwoman1.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=11
Who Doesn't Appreciate Corduroy?
http://themoment.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/fete-accompli-the-corduroy-appreciation-clubs-grand-meeting/?hpw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2guQYivZ6w
Maine Protects Children From Lemonade
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jUVss5TFh1cRHO4jrZXkXiCPwfBAD9BKV1N00
Woman Misunderstands Slogan "Save The Ta-Tas"
http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/11/08/11082009waccancerwoman1.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=11
Who Doesn't Appreciate Corduroy?
http://themoment.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/fete-accompli-the-corduroy-appreciation-clubs-grand-meeting/?hpw
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