Againn, DC

Dear Againn DC,

Screw you. I have never been motivated to trash a restaurant on this board, or elsewhere, but you deserve it. I was in your establishment for over 50 minutes last night and none of those minutes was even remotely pleasant. Your staff managed to do absolutely everything wrong. From the 10 minutes I was at the host stand before anyone said a word to me, through the 15 additional minutes it took to get our menus, to the 15 minutes it took to get two average beers, to the two separate times my dining companion tried to order an appetizer, only to be told that the kitchen was out of it, through the 10 further minutes I waited for a manager who never came (which I was forced by my server to do when I asked for my check). All of these I could let pass because, when I finally begged my server for the check saying “I will literally pay you anything you want if I can get out of this restaurant” she told us to just go (no food was ever ordered). But, now you have reported me to Opentable as a no-show. So I feel compelled to report you to this community, Againn DC, as a no-show. Apparently your management has all decamped for Rockville.

Sincerely,
Never Againn.

Original Post: http://donrockwell.com/index.php?showtopic=12494&view=findpost&p=171862

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Trust Me, You Don't Want to Mess With the Women's Basketball Team (Danke SB)
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Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation

In honor of Tiger Woods' current domestic perdicament, I will add my first ever substantive post: Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation. I have been formulating these for twenty years, and sharing them almost as long. But they bear repeating:

1. Deny Everything. By this I don't mean deny specific accuasations. I literally mean deny EVERYTHING. Denying specific accusations would be lying. There is a rule for that (see number 3). I mean, say things like "I don't know what you're talking about" and "that's crazy."

2. Create a Diversion. By this I mean focus trouble away from you. Find something the accuser would be far more pissed about. Talking about the diversion might completely shield you from blame for the original sin.

3. Lie, or, if the lie would be worse than the truth, Confess Everything and Ask Forgiveness. This is the hard step, because it calls on you to understand the true repercussions of the lie versus the truth. Most people get this wrong, because it is easier just to lie. Do not get this wrong, you could end up in jail or disbarred. (See Bill Clinton.) If you can't assess the repercussions of the lie, call an attorney. If the lie is minor, but you're stupid, call a friend.

4. Run Like Hell. If the lie or truth don't work, you need to get the hell out of dodge. This is why lawsuits settle and why marriages break up. And, if you know this rule, it's why you never get your ass beat.

Note: None of these rules apply if you are speaking with law enforcement officials. In that case, there is only one rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL AN ATTORNEY. This rule applies even if you are innocent. Seriously. Just stop talking.

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Worst Teddy Bear
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