Your Friends Don't Want to Talk to You Anymore
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1382960.html
In Alabama, Justice Delayed Not Justice Denied
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/12/best_motion_for_continuance_ev.php#more
Trust Me, You Don't Want to Mess With the Women's Basketball Team (Danke SB)
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/womensbasketball/big12/2009-12-16-missouri-players_N.htm
How to Feel Better When They Fire You (Danke EAM)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8416431.stm
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Today's Headlines
Holiday Gift Idea: Classics Never Go Out Of Style
http://www.break.com/tv-shows/saturday-night-live/dick-in-a-box-uncensored-637685.html
While We're Rehashing SNL Bits: I'm On A Boat
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-im-on-a-boat-uncensored/1105773/
Better Late Than Never: Voicemail Slow Jam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY&feature=player_embedded#
Anyone Know If This Joint Allows Beer Pong?
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914651n&tag=exclsv
http://www.break.com/tv-shows/saturday-night-live/dick-in-a-box-uncensored-637685.html
While We're Rehashing SNL Bits: I'm On A Boat
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-im-on-a-boat-uncensored/1105773/
Better Late Than Never: Voicemail Slow Jam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY&feature=player_embedded#
Anyone Know If This Joint Allows Beer Pong?
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914651n&tag=exclsv
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation
In honor of Tiger Woods' current domestic perdicament, I will add my first ever substantive post: Boone's Rules in a Crisis Situation. I have been formulating these for twenty years, and sharing them almost as long. But they bear repeating:
1. Deny Everything. By this I don't mean deny specific accuasations. I literally mean deny EVERYTHING. Denying specific accusations would be lying. There is a rule for that (see number 3). I mean, say things like "I don't know what you're talking about" and "that's crazy."
2. Create a Diversion. By this I mean focus trouble away from you. Find something the accuser would be far more pissed about. Talking about the diversion might completely shield you from blame for the original sin.
3. Lie, or, if the lie would be worse than the truth, Confess Everything and Ask Forgiveness. This is the hard step, because it calls on you to understand the true repercussions of the lie versus the truth. Most people get this wrong, because it is easier just to lie. Do not get this wrong, you could end up in jail or disbarred. (See Bill Clinton.) If you can't assess the repercussions of the lie, call an attorney. If the lie is minor, but you're stupid, call a friend.
4. Run Like Hell. If the lie or truth don't work, you need to get the hell out of dodge. This is why lawsuits settle and why marriages break up. And, if you know this rule, it's why you never get your ass beat.
Note: None of these rules apply if you are speaking with law enforcement officials. In that case, there is only one rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL AN ATTORNEY. This rule applies even if you are innocent. Seriously. Just stop talking.
1. Deny Everything. By this I don't mean deny specific accuasations. I literally mean deny EVERYTHING. Denying specific accusations would be lying. There is a rule for that (see number 3). I mean, say things like "I don't know what you're talking about" and "that's crazy."
2. Create a Diversion. By this I mean focus trouble away from you. Find something the accuser would be far more pissed about. Talking about the diversion might completely shield you from blame for the original sin.
3. Lie, or, if the lie would be worse than the truth, Confess Everything and Ask Forgiveness. This is the hard step, because it calls on you to understand the true repercussions of the lie versus the truth. Most people get this wrong, because it is easier just to lie. Do not get this wrong, you could end up in jail or disbarred. (See Bill Clinton.) If you can't assess the repercussions of the lie, call an attorney. If the lie is minor, but you're stupid, call a friend.
4. Run Like Hell. If the lie or truth don't work, you need to get the hell out of dodge. This is why lawsuits settle and why marriages break up. And, if you know this rule, it's why you never get your ass beat.
Note: None of these rules apply if you are speaking with law enforcement officials. In that case, there is only one rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL AN ATTORNEY. This rule applies even if you are innocent. Seriously. Just stop talking.
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